silly girl in the corner :))

today was another day of disappointment. i've was confined to bed sunday night and this afternoon. i woke with a fever and just had some awful other things going on. yuck. i feel 10 times better now though :D but yeah. things are changing. today was an alright day. i had a little mini melt down with chels over the room stuff just because it's like i'm the middle man and i hate it. i cried she sat with me. but i'm fairly certain it had to do with my pms so it's all good in the hood. i was dying to talk to steph and i spoke with her earlier, the only things is that i was in the middle of my little cry sesh when she called (hahaha gosh i'm gay :)) but it was nice to hear her voice. golly i miss everyone. and can i just say heather jean tobey that when i read your comment it litterally just made my heart all tingly and brough tears to my eyes. today was just one of those days ya know? when you're about to start and you just feel bleh and you actually are sick. the combination of the two makes everything difficult, but i dunno i read that and found a lot of strength in it. not to sound all cliche and dumb but haha it's what i do :). but yeah, today i heard dwayne carson mention reading one chapter of proverbs every night and how it will change your life. so i decided to do just that. i started tonight. i'm excited. and i also have another bible project in mind, i really wanna go through the bible and find the verses that apply to what make us 1. beautiful and wonderful to God 2. the values and virtues that make us beautiful people and well i dunno about a 3rd point yet. maybe that doesn't even make sense to anyone else or maybe it sounds dumb.. but i dont care :) i wanna do it and i already started to HAHA and BOOHOO on you :D this weekend is the joint retreat!! woot woot!! i'm not sure what kim's doing, oi. and kathryn is coming and steph is coming and i'm sooo excited to see them! i just need some time out of this hell room. gosh for reals everyone who is graduating and going to college next year i pray you dont have two dramatic roomates who do dumb things and cause girls on your hall not to like you and then argue with each other and lie and be dumb. because then you're stuck in the middle and you have to "choose sides" and reallly it's just frustrating beyond all belief. so that's where i'm at and i hope you guys wont have to face that. that would be lovely. well i still have a lot left to do before i go to bed, and i'm stinkin tired. but i was listening to she (for liz) by parachute and have decided that i wanna be this liz :)

she has no problems with secrets.
she knows how to keep them.
she never felt the need to let them show.
and i've had no trouble with speaking
or trusting my instincts.
but maybe this is one that i should know.
but as i'm waiting in
the devil on my shoulder stares,
laughing at the one thing i can't get.
it's what i need.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

my vocal cords have been fighting.
my mouth likes to spite me.
it never says the words that come to mind.
and i brought a stick to a gun fight.
and i'm stuck with my tongue tied.
i run, but i can't hide what's always there.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

i can see these things i do
and never seem to follow through.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.