no way

feelings of mixed frustration, longing, and desire. frustration on the subject of not knowing what in the world i'm doing. longing for someone to hold me and just say everything'll be ok. and desire to feel like confident again.

i know God can be all these things, but i just feel like.. alone. i know i'm not. i think that's another bit of the frustration.

the only one?

so i'm sure everyone knows about me and alex's break up. it's disappointing about how everything went down, but in all honesty i've known for a while i shouldn't have been in that relationship, God really put it on my heart, and i finally gave it up to God and said look if I'm not supposed to be in this relationship have him break up with me because i know i can't do it myself. and then two days later he did. i know it's the right thing. i mean the way everything went down, like i said kinda really sucked, but all in all i'm fine and he's fine and we're all fine. so anyways, it's kinda nice being single, but i really miss having like a hand to hold and being held. that kinda sucks, but i'll get by. there is one guy that i'm friends with here that's really caught my eye. i don't think i would date him, at least not soon. i barely remember what the beginnings of a relationship looks like, but he's one of those people i just can't stop thinking about ya know? i kinda don't like it cause i'm like elizabeth omgsh like for real alex JUST broke up with you like two weeks ago, you need to chill, but it's like i can't. i hope you guys don't think poorly of me cause it's not like i can help it ya know? his name is mike. he's really sweet and funny. omgsh he's like 6 foot 3 and has the hands of a giant (i like big hands, i just like how my hands can look so small in comparison since really not too much else about me is small except for my mouth size, ear lobes, and right nostril). see i go off on a little mini tangent. ughh. i don't like it. stupid boy needs to stop being himself. imma kick him. anyways anyways anyways, i'm going out with him and some other people this friday and we're gonna have a movie night at the inn which'll be fun and then saturday i don't know what i'm doing saturday, hopefully something fun. so yeah. anyways, that is all.

i love you!!