Frustration to suffering

frustration runs through my blood. from my toes up my spine and exploding out of my mouth like vomit. no one sees. no one cares. no one hears. does it even matter? i dont even know. yeah God might know who i am but no one im with daily knows. i mean what am I worth? what can i offer? nothing. what do i do? nothing. it's all i'll ever do.

ugh. i'm not suicidal or anything i'm just bummed and no one gets it or my thoughts annoy them and i'm sick of it. i will forever have to hold in my feelings. lovely.

oh how peculiar.

i find it so strange and bizarre that i've already found out my room mates for next year. they are both very nice. i feel ... so ahead of the game i guess. some people still aren't even sure about where they want to go and yet i have a dorm and people to share it with. i have my definite major and i even know what i want to do after i get my bachelors. it's just so weird to me! ughh! do i really even want to graduate and leave these people that i love? i mean of course i want to go out into the world and meet others and stuff, but sometimes i wish i was in elementary school again. without a care in the world. playing in the grass and learning my abc's. i feel like things were just so simple then. things got crazier with age and i dont really know how much i like it. obviously there are some perks to being older but still i wonder just how i'm going to cope leaving my family, my best friends, my church, my boyfriend, everything i've known. i mean i can always come home. i won't be that far away, but still. how weird is it going to be to have to wake up in a completely different place every single day. i just... i don't know... i don't know how i feel about leaving everything. leaving everyone. i'll have kathryn which will be helpful, but i mean she's going to have her own life, and what if i don't. what if i can't make friends or people don't like my personality or the way i look? what if i get there and my room mates don't even like me?! ugh i really need to think on this because i'm really freakin stressed.

bahh.