i want to be ferly. just sayin.





love.

romeo. where are you? i'm tired of being alone here.

ah life

life is weird. you go from being in a drear mood to being happy and then to being inquizative to rockin out and you can do all that in a matter of one day! it kills me. i sometimes think that God put A.D.D. into the world for His own humor :)

anyways, i think i've picked a major. i didn't mention it yet because i really wanted to pray on it and i just feel like God might be calling me to do advertising with a minor in business so that's purty exciting :) from what i understand i'll be able to do the marketing aspect as well as the whole creative thing which is what i'm super crazy stoked about. it's like God created a major just for me :) two of my favorite things, marketing and art :) how funn!!


miami :)
so i'm going to miami for spring break!!!! only 16 days!!! ahhhh! i'm soooo incredibly excited!! let me just say!! i can not even wait!! i'm going with open air missions!! i'll post more about what we're doing later, i'm just too lazy and tired to right now :/ lo siento! but thank you Lord for once again reaffirming how much you love me and have a plan for me. not gonna lie i forget that sometimes. God definately does have something special in store though so that's always good to know :) so if you think about it please pray for our transportation down there because as of right now we dont have one. it'll come through for sure, but it's just the anticipation is killing me! i wanna be there now!!! hahaha and also please pray for the people down there, that God would start to soften their hearts and prepare them for our ministry. that would be very appreciated! :)

chelsea is moving out thursday or friday :( long story that doesn't need to be said in detail. like on the one hand it's kinda good cause like we both need to get health because i'm definately not healthy in the least. but it's still sad cause she's my best friend here ya know? i dont know. our relationship isn't completely healthy and i understand that, but hopefully this move will do nothing but strengthen us. that's what i pray at least. because i dont have anyone else here i trust. no one. i mean yeah allison the r.a. but that's it. i ball everything up here because i dont trust anyone and yeah it's hard, but it's how i was raised, and how i've always had to do things. i dont want to be a bother. i'm just really praying that God works on that with me. because right now i'm working on getting help with some stuff and not gonna lie, i went to the student care office and had to fill out paper work where they just straight ask you questions and i sat in there for two hours and cried. it's so hard to honestly answer questions about all the things you struggle with. self image, respect, forgiveness, and so many other things. it just reminded me of how broken i am. i have to remember that regardless God loves me. He looks at me and sees nothing but beauty. so that's what i'm gonna aspire to find in myself.

i love you guys and i'll post more later!!

...i plead to change my life.
just before i dream.
and wake to realize the
change is inside of me...

i'm getting this tattooed on me.. just not in the same spot ;D

to plant a seed

we've planted a seed, an ever growing wonder to a beautiful tree.
grow.
each branch outstretched and different from the last.
where the old have broken, some easier than the last.
the right ones have grown in to fill in the gaps.
and all are equal in love and trust.
and all are apart of something so much bigger than this.
through the trials our tongues are tired, to trying times, so many unsaid lines.
our lives were over at so many moments.
so many moments.
so many.
and now they're all just beginning.
and now they're all just beginning.
i have never been so consumed and i have never loved it more.
to be devoted to letting all see what it is to live in the love of others.
to live in the love of my brothers.
and spilling back all that anyone has ever spilled for me.
to show that to those who have never seen.
four years ago we planted a seed.
found that foundation that we need.
strived for the perfect balance to show love and show compassion.
and our vision for this world will not die when we are dead.
my future started with the first note i ever played.
the first note that was ever sang.
when we started living with purpose and writing with meaning.
this is what we were made for.
every day i live this future.

by we came as romans

romance me

this song makes me so incredibly happy. i dunno. like as much as i like guys and i do. i want God to be who i see in that role at this point in my life. that's the kind of romance that i want.

and yes i know that the spanish subtitles are there (ps. they dont always match up) haha but it was the coolest looking one and i dunno i like it

I love this tattoo. It's kinda like the feather one I posted not too long ago. I think maybe I would want something like this if I could but it's beaitiful to me:)

where now God?

well i just got back about an hour ago from retreat this weekend which was AMAZING!! lemme just say! i loved it!! tehehe me and steph and kat drove down to willow run and then we had to eat dinner with random people we didn't know and i got stuck with the two strangest boys i have met in the longest while.... yeah haha :) still they were nice and we had a good time. saturday we had session and then lunch and then free time for about 5 HOURS!! i had no idea what we would even do that whole time!! me and kat spent a good majority of it playing knock out with all the boys in the gym.. yeah and we dominated.. just sayin ;) hahaha but seriously they were suprised we made the top four and stuff haha it was awesommmme! then we had another session which was crazy awesome. for me i really got out of the lesson was forgiveness and how crucial it is to our spiritual walk. you can't grow spiritually unless you truely forgive and loves those that hurt you. that kinda relates to my room mate situation right now. i'm back in the dorm by myself right now.. and that's how i like it. i dont really wanna deal with anyone's drama or listen to chelsea complain. i'm just not in the mood to be brought down ya know? oi. hopefully this drama stuff gets better cause if it doesn't (and i know i told chelsea i wouldn't) but i will leave and i will move to texas. period. i wont deal with crap anymore. anyways back to retreat though. i need to forgive them. so i'm working on that. piece by piece. it's hard when you come back and chelsea's trashed the room and put all her crap on your desk and your text book goes mixing and... ugh. freakin piss me off sometimes. but retreat. saturday ended with a bonfire. dance party. and then me and christy riding out to town to get milkshakes. sunday we woke up got breakfast. went to session. then left. i got home today and hung with my family for like an hour and a half. we went to mexico restaurant for dinner. it was really funn! now i'm back in the dorm. bleh.

so something that's been eating away at me. since colin left this past christmas and like it's always kinda sad when he leaves, but this time i dunno. i legit like hard core cried. i miss that boy. but usually that passes without a thought. well like i think about it, but i put it to the back of my head. but i dunno i haven't been able to this time. i dunno. it's weird. and like i dunno, i usuallly like seeing him, but it's never been something that i'm like omgsh i wanna go see colin like right now and that's how i feel right now. i just wannt be with him. i dont even know if he wants me to be around, he acted excited and everything. but he could have just been being nice. i dunno. it's like that's my best friend ya know? oi. i just gahh.

in time God will tell me if moving to Texas is the right move for me. for now i'll just keep praying on it.

richmond

i really miss downtown richmond. like a crazy lot. maybe it's cause lynchburg is nothing like richmond :/. but yeah i miss shockoe bottom and cary street and monroe park and belle isle (thanks kat ;)). richmond oh richmond.

dear stephanie marie dawkins,
thank you for being such an amazing friend to me :) when i'm sad and crying. when i'm angry and yelling. when i went through that phase where i used to get a "tude" with my mom. you're always there girl and i love you mucho! dunno what i would do without you hun :)

hearts farts and glitter
lizabeth :)

Finito

I don't think I'm meant to get better sometimes. It's like I arrange to get help for my eating stuff because I wanna get over it and of course room drama gets in the way of that yet again. It's like the first night I decided I was gonna get a counselor for it I got bombarded with all this room stuff and it's like now that I have an appointment with the r.a. It gets ruined by more room drama. I want out. My nerves are fried. I need to run to the bathroom before class. More later.

get warped!

okay so i just looked up the warped tour bands and as of right now i have a line up of what i HAVE to see :) can i just say i'm sooo stoked!!!!


dance gavin dance (i like their old stuff the best to be honest but i'm still stoked:))


we came as romans :D god i can not wait to see them!! them and abandon all ships are the two i'm most stoked to see. not gonna lie :D


family force five :)


hellogoodbye


the word alive


abandon all ships!!! :D ahhhh!!


and a skylit drive!

Parachute

I have fallen in love with the band parachute. I want to be this girl. Some day he'll come for me :)

colin

just one other thing.

i miss colin lee harris like crazy whoa. i really wanna go visit that boy even though he was just here at christmas. oi.

today was another day of disappointment. i've was confined to bed sunday night and this afternoon. i woke with a fever and just had some awful other things going on. yuck. i feel 10 times better now though :D but yeah. things are changing. today was an alright day. i had a little mini melt down with chels over the room stuff just because it's like i'm the middle man and i hate it. i cried she sat with me. but i'm fairly certain it had to do with my pms so it's all good in the hood. i was dying to talk to steph and i spoke with her earlier, the only things is that i was in the middle of my little cry sesh when she called (hahaha gosh i'm gay :)) but it was nice to hear her voice. golly i miss everyone. and can i just say heather jean tobey that when i read your comment it litterally just made my heart all tingly and brough tears to my eyes. today was just one of those days ya know? when you're about to start and you just feel bleh and you actually are sick. the combination of the two makes everything difficult, but i dunno i read that and found a lot of strength in it. not to sound all cliche and dumb but haha it's what i do :). but yeah, today i heard dwayne carson mention reading one chapter of proverbs every night and how it will change your life. so i decided to do just that. i started tonight. i'm excited. and i also have another bible project in mind, i really wanna go through the bible and find the verses that apply to what make us 1. beautiful and wonderful to God 2. the values and virtues that make us beautiful people and well i dunno about a 3rd point yet. maybe that doesn't even make sense to anyone else or maybe it sounds dumb.. but i dont care :) i wanna do it and i already started to HAHA and BOOHOO on you :D this weekend is the joint retreat!! woot woot!! i'm not sure what kim's doing, oi. and kathryn is coming and steph is coming and i'm sooo excited to see them! i just need some time out of this hell room. gosh for reals everyone who is graduating and going to college next year i pray you dont have two dramatic roomates who do dumb things and cause girls on your hall not to like you and then argue with each other and lie and be dumb. because then you're stuck in the middle and you have to "choose sides" and reallly it's just frustrating beyond all belief. so that's where i'm at and i hope you guys wont have to face that. that would be lovely. well i still have a lot left to do before i go to bed, and i'm stinkin tired. but i was listening to she (for liz) by parachute and have decided that i wanna be this liz :)

she has no problems with secrets.
she knows how to keep them.
she never felt the need to let them show.
and i've had no trouble with speaking
or trusting my instincts.
but maybe this is one that i should know.
but as i'm waiting in
the devil on my shoulder stares,
laughing at the one thing i can't get.
it's what i need.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

my vocal cords have been fighting.
my mouth likes to spite me.
it never says the words that come to mind.
and i brought a stick to a gun fight.
and i'm stuck with my tongue tied.
i run, but i can't hide what's always there.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

i can see these things i do
and never seem to follow through.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

she, she is the words that i can't find.
how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?
and i couldn't speak.
i couldn't breath to save my life.
all of my chances swim like sinking ships.
this time it's it.
i'll drown or make her mine.

i dunno

i dunno how i feel right now. i definately dont love it. but im gonna keep the verse in my head. even when my school is pushing dating and i dont feel pretty enough i know that i am. that's what i need to remember.

kim, thank you for this verse :) i'm gonna put it with my "people who mind dont matter and people who matter don't mind" and try to just go with the two :) i heart you like crazy whoa my dear :D

can i make a comment?

so i dunno how i feel right now. i wanna be happy, but i still feel like crap. i mean i'm going on this awesome retreat with at least kathryn. even if no one else goes. i skyped bearokuda last night and i hadn't talked to him in forever so that was tight. and then i skyped with carleigh so that was super chill too. she's happy and things are good. i have friends here now. i go out with people like every night. so what's the issue? like why do i still have to be bummed out? valentine's day is coming.. liberty, i will be skipping all my classes just so i dont have to see any of your couples. i will.



but kesha you're making my heart go on every day :) shankss