the days..

the days are like running together. oh i'm so done with school. 14 more days and i'm out of there. thank goodness. you know what? i'm starting to feel more in place at school then i am at church. i can honestly say that i don't know how much i'm gonna miss certain aspects of our youth group. the clichiness, the favoritism, the change. i mean some people might see me as "out of line" but i mean i don't know. i just kinda feel like i've been pushed to the side. the whole year i've offered to do whatever i could to help and everytime i've just been kinda pushed to the back burner. i mean gcn. youth show. wednesday nights. i mean how is it that when i ask to like talk about the holding hope initiative at youth group i'm turned down and told that an email will be sent out but when someone else asks they are like practically begged to do it? i don't understand. i'm just ready to be done with it. i'm not gonna lie. i've come to the realization that i'm just not "seek" material, and if i am and this is what a seek person should feel like then i want no part of it. gosh i always feel like i'm such a deby downer on this thing, but i'm just saying. it's not really anyone's fault i don't guess. i'm easy to forget about. i'm just so ready to move on. i don't know how much more i'm gonna put myself through. i'm just tired of the crappy feelings that i go through. i mean i've only been in our youth group since what? seventh grade or so? growing up and seeing/perceiving how one class was treated and like how we feared and revered that class and then coming to now and having none of those same qualities. i don't know. it's not so much that i guess, it's mostly that i just feel .... forgotten. yeah yeah whatever, it was the topic of the show. i tried to like apply that message to my life, but like i just feel like my forgotten feelings are being reinforced by some of the choices that go on. it's whatever. i just need to get over it. i'll shut up about that now. kinda crappy way to start a post i suppose.

anyways.

so i'm getting back into the old habit of picking up red jumpsuit, all time low, the maine, and all those other bands i used to listen to. haha.

dude, can i just say. something is defintely wrong. okay so i can't get to sleep at night, i'm not sleeping the whole night through, i'm not getting like restful sleep, i've been having awful headaches, constant fatigue, constant nausea, and my back is killing me lately. ughh fml. i need these friggin blood tests to come back so i can know where my th levels are cause like if they're messed up then the whole hypothyroidism thing is kickin arse or if it's the siliac sprue. i just need to know. i want to feel better dog gone it. hahaha

omgsh lifeguarding inservice this weekend. shoot me. i'm soooooooooo out of shape and i do not wanna have to go and do that. ughhhh imma need a miracle for this sunday.

bah.



imma leave ya with some beautiful sounds. just listen, there's words after the guitar silly people.