music

i would have never made it through this week without music. or anything at all to have distracted me from the situation and the thoughts and the sadness.

i don't know what i would do without it.


.. i'm still afraid to look at my camera. i don't want to get upset from the pictures already on there, but i also want to edit some of them into one large portrait in her memory.. ugh. sadness. :(

remember the name

remember the name - fort minor

great song. underlying message maybe?

"ten percent luck.
twenty percent skill.
fifteen percent concentrated power of will.

five percent pleasure.
fifty percent pain.
and a hundred percent reason to remember the name."

i was listening to this song earlier (love fort minor ps.) and i was just thinking about the lyrics of the chorus. like what does that say about what they were thinking when they wrote the song?

i think it's apparent that they want to leave their mark on the world. i would say they are probably trying to leave an imprint through their music and while i was thinking about these things i was wondering what i'm leaving in my life?

how does my life look to those that don't know me? what am i good at? how do i know that what i'm working for and what i've been working for for seven years is really what i'm supposed to be doing?!

.anxiety.

finally i had to stop thinking so much. and then it hit me. maybe these aren't the things that are already supposed to be done in my life. i can't leave a mark in music like mozart of brittney spears and i'm not going to pretend i'm going to cure cancer. but by the end of my life or maybe even by the time i achieve my goals i want to be able to say that i worked hard for what i got and i was blessed. that's what i want my life to be built on. hard work and great things. i'm not going to just sit back and let things go anymore. i'm going to strive for excellence.

i didn't really work hard in school until this year. i'm not gonna lie. i just did what i did to get by and i've found myself studying this year. legitimately studying for things that i normally wouldn't have. strife. promises. love.

Maury Povich

you may be well aware of what i do everyday when i get home from school. just in case you have no clue what i'm talking about i'll fill you in.

everyday when i get home i watch the maury show. it comes on at 4pm on channel 11 on weekdays. yes. that is my relaxation time. watching people yelling about who they baby daddy be and what not. i'm not ashamed. anyways, today i happened to be looking up maury povich and what not and did you know that someone wrote a song about him?!

it's called maury povich and it's by this chick syleena johnson. i was SUPER excited to find it! hahahhaa i'm such a loser! anways go on youtube and look it up. i would post the link but i'm on my school laptop so i can't go on youtube.


anyways, you know what else i found when i was looking up maury povich. part of his show is on failblog. you would think that it would be for like a woman claiming one person to be a father and then it turns out that he's not, but really it's TOTALLY not!
if you go on youtube and type in Maury: Honeymoon Sex Fail you can see it. i think the real fail of it is in the last like quarter of it just in case you aren't into redneck drama like i am :))

so yeah. haha i feel so stupid that i like this show. i'm sure no one else cares about it at all. but whatever. i'll still come home everyday and kick back with my feet up, edemame in on hand, crossword puzzle in the other, and be tuned onto channel 11 for my main man maury.

:)) you know you love it

Choas

i feel bad for the families that suffered their loses this weekend. i think back and realize just how lucky i am. i thank God that i got help. those kids.. they could have been me. it's so weird to think about now. it's hard to believe that around this time about five years ago i was those kids. i know what they feel and that's why i think i feel so bad for them. they were lost. i was lost. they felt pain and resentment as did i. nothing seemed to be worth living for but now everything in my life is a spectrum of colors. i love where i am. my family. my friends. i know that if those kids had just talked to someone and gotten the help they needed they could have loved their lives too. they were definately upset and disheartened and it kills me. how many other people that i know feel that way? not everyone shows that they are feeling these things on their sleeves. how do you figure that out? how can i get those people to open up to me?

another thing that's crazy are the earthquakes in chile. those poor people. i pray that they will find all those that are missing and i pray that there will be peace and comfort to the friends and families of those who lost their lives. now all we can do is hope and pray that alejandro is fine and that everyone will be found.

it feels like everything is just zooming by me.


i've found two new hobbies though :)

1. i've found myself constantly looking up many differnt pictures of random abstact makeup and brides showing their colorful shoes under their dresses lately :)) i don't know why but i feel like i've been inspired so much and thus i've been doing much more in my sketchbook lately it's weird.


that one's my favorite :))

things seem to be getting so crazy around here.


2. i've been working extensively with photoshop on my school laptop. i don't know why but i love taking something that is one thing and altering it completely so that there is a new focal point. it just intreges me so :)